


I'm Still Working On My Masterpiece

by V_eliza



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 3x16, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Athena Grant and Bobby Nash are Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parents, Backstory, Buck Begins, Episode: s03e16 The One That Got Away (9-1-1 TV), Eventual Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Fluff, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Season 3, Upset Evan "Buck" Buckley, buck loves music, no lawsuit au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:42:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29517579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/V_eliza/pseuds/V_eliza
Summary: When he eventually returned to LA, things had settled. Athena had managed to knock some sense into Bobby and he was finally welcomed back to the 118 with open arms. He was home. But he couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. It was like playing the guitar once again had awoken something in him he’d buried long ago. So, the night after his first shift back, he went out and bought a new guitar.For months he played in the comfort of his own home, not yet confident enough to share with the 118. He still played for Maddie though, enjoying the smile on her face as his fingers plucked the strings. He'd missed it. Music made him feel complete
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Original Female Character(s), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 13
Kudos: 134





	1. What Other People Say

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea for a while and decided to finally share it. Hope you enjoy x
> 
> The song for this chapter is "What Other People Say" by Sam Fischer & Demi Lovato.

Evan Buckley had always loved music. It was his escape from a world that left him broken and alone. The echoing of piano keys and beautiful harmonies calmed him in a way that nothing else could. Maddie thinks he got his love for music from their Grandfather, Jonathon. He too loved music, always showing Buck his record collection when they went round for dinner. Whenever they saw each other, they would spend hours listening to new music, letting the sounds drown out the world around them. He was the one who bought Buck his first guitar. To say his parents weren’t too pleased about the gift was an understatement. The sound of guitar-strumming was just another way Evan was an inconvenience to them. So he spent most of his time in the school music room. At least when he was there no one would complain about his constant playing. It was in one of those rooms that he first started writing songs. Words spilled from his head joining the melodies his fingers created. It was the only time he truly felt at peace.

If it wasn’t for his countless hours spent in those school music rooms he never would’ve met his best friend. Yasmin Leon was also a regular in the music department, spending her lunchtimes and after-school hours enjoying an escape similar to Buck’s. For several weeks she listened to him play without him knowing, trying to work up the courage to approach the voice she became so enamoured by. But before she could, the music stopped.

Losing his grandfather, broke the strings in Buck’s heart. He couldn’t look at his guitar without bursting into tears. His grandfather was the only person who was there for him after Maddie left, he encouraged him and loved him in a way his parents never had. Without him, Buck lost his love for song.

Instead of using the music rooms to create something, he'd spend his time in there crying, mourning someone who meant everything to him. But his death did give Buck something.

Hearing the cries echoing through the room next to her, gave Yasmin the push she needed to approach a stranger she felt she already knew. The words she'd heard him sing had shown her a part of him no one had ever seen. They hadn't met yet, but she needed to comfort him as best she could. When she entered the room and placed herself on the floor next to the sobbing boy, a bond was formed and the rest was history.

They spent every second together. Neither of them had really had a best friend before each other and finally finding one another filled a gap in their lives they didn’t know they had. But no amount of encouragement and unconditional support from Yasmin could get Buck to pick up the guitar again. The only time he listened to music was when Yasmin had something to play for him.

And eventually, she left him too.

They remained in contact, talking as often as they could. He was there to celebrate her getting into Julliard and she came to visit when he graduated from the Fire Academy. They weren't in each other's lives as much as they thought they would be when they'd talked about the future, sat in those small music rooms, but they were still a part of each other. And when LA became too much for him, she was his escape.

That’s why he ended up at her New York apartment after his disastrous dinner at Bobby and Athena’s.

He spent that night crying in her arms as he recounted being pinned underneath a firetruck and almost drowning in a tsunami.

> _Thought when I grew up_
> 
> _I would be the same as the ones who gave me my last name_
> 
> _I would not give in, I would not partake_
> 
> _In the same old drugs everyone else takes_

She held him until the sobs died out and when his eyes finally dried she gave him the only thing she could think of. And, for the first time in years, Buck played again. When Yasmin handed him the guitar and told him to pour his heart out, he just couldn’t stop. It was the first song he'd written in years and they did it together, bouncing off each other as the melodies came to life. That was what stopped him from reaching out to that sleazy lawyer and suing the family he'd found, ruining the life he'd created.

> _I'm better than that, I'm better than that_
> 
> _I'm living my life so I go to heaven and never come back_
> 
> _But look where I'm at, look where I'm at_
> 
> _I'm living the life that I said I wouldn't, I wanna go back_

When he eventually returned to LA, things had settled. Athena had managed to knock some sense into Bobby and he was finally welcomed back to the 118 with open arms. He was home. But he couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. It was like playing the guitar once again had awoken something in him he’d buried long ago. So, the night after his first shift back, he went out and bought a new guitar.

The only person he told was Maddie. He played her the song he and Yasmin had written back in New York. She could see the spirit of their grandfather so clearly as he sang, his voice serenading her ears. Her brother had been through so much and thanks to Yasmin and the power of music, he was finally finding his way back to his feet.

For months he played in the comfort of his own home, not yet confident enough to share with the 118. He still played for Maddie though, enjoying the smile on her face as his fingers plucked the strings. He'd missed it. Music made him feel complete.

> _I used to call my mom every Sunday_
> 
> _So she knew her love wasn't far away_
> 
> _But now I'm all fucked up out in LA_
> 
> _'Cause I care more about what other people say_

Yasmin couldn’t help but smile the second she walked into Firehouse 118. She’d barely stepped a foot into the building when she heard the sound of her childhood friend’s laughter bouncing from wall to wall. When he’d showed up on her doorstep months ago, he looked broken. The brightness in his eyes was gone, much like after the loss of his grandfather. He’d grown so much since the day they met and seeing him back to square one broke her heart. She did everything she could that night to bring back the spark he’d lost and deep down she knew the only thing that could do that was music. Hearing him sing again for the first time in years felt incredible. His voice, his smile, the way his fingers moved across the strings could cure her darkest moments. Music was a part of him, a part of both of them.

> _I used to not take chances with God's name_
> 
> _But it's been so long since I last prayed_
> 
> _And now I'm all fucked up and my heart's changed_
> 
> _'Cause I care more about what other people say_

The song they wrote that night was special. It was months, years of frustration and pain poured from their souls, freeing them. Yasmin knew that their words would resonate with others, help bring strangers from their own darkened minds, so she wanted to share it. Let their song out into the world, but not without Buck’s blessing. That’s why she was here, in LA, standing in a firehouse, looking for her friend. This wasn’t a conversation to be had over the phone, this needed to be done face to face. And if his answer was no, then so be it. The song would be theirs and theirs only.

> _I wish I could shelter the boy I knew_
> 
> _From the constant hell I put him through_
> 
> _'Cause I'm all grown up and I'm black and blue_
> 
> _I could use some tape, I could use some glue_

“Can I help you?”

“Oh yeah, hi! I’m looking for Evan Buckley, he works here right? He’s an old friend.”

“Sure, he’s upstairs!”

“Awesome, thanks!”

Yasmin bounded up the staircase, heart racing as she got closer and closer to the recognizable laughter. Finally, she saw the familiar blonde hair, sitting amongst his new family, happier than he'd been in years. Part of her didn’t want to disrupt the bubble he was in, wanted to walk away and leave him be. But then they locked eyes and that feeling disappeared.

“Yasmin?”

“Hey, Evan!”

It was comical how fast Buck got up from his chair and leapt towards her, the force behind his hug almost enough to knock her off her feet.

“Woah, nice to see you too! Gonna introduce me to your friends Buck?”

“Yeah, uhm guys this is Yas she's my friend from high school. Yas meet, Bobby, Hen, Chimney, and Eddie!”

With introductions done and pleasantries exchanged, Yasmin seized her opportunity.

“Do you think we could talk in private Buck?”

“Sure this way.”

> _I'm better than that, I'm better than that_
> 
> _I should be living my life so I go to heaven and never come back_

Sat in the privacy of the locker-room, Yasmin couldn't help but feel guilty. Evan had created a life for himself here and she didn’t want to put him in a tough position. But it was too late to go back now.

“So... not that I don’t love seeing you but what are you doing here? Don’t you have a fancy record label needing your song writing expertise and angelical voice?”

“Haha very funny. I… uhm… so…” she just couldn’t seem to get the words out, worried for his response.

“Hey, Yas? You know you can tell me about anything, right? I’m here for you.”

“I know… Before I ask you this, I need you to know that there is no pressure here. I will be a hundred percent on board with whatever you choose.”

“Okay… now you’re worrying me. What's going on?”

“That song we wrote, when you came to see me… I want to release it, but only if you'll do it with me. The song is ours and I don’t want someone else’s voice to sing the words we wrote. But I do think that others could relate to it. Maybe it could mean something to people…”

“I… uhm…”

“You don’t have to answer now, take some time and think about it, okay?”

“I don’t need to think about it. I’m in but I have some conditions.”

“Anything, name it, and it's yours.”

“I’m not ready to stop being a firefighter. What I have here, this life, it's everything to me. It's all I have and I can't lose that, not for anything. Maybe you could put a different name on it, so no one knows it's me.”

“Okay, so what should we call you.”

> _Thought when I grew up_
> 
> _I would be the same as the ones who gave me my last name_

**Two weeks later**

“Hey Hen, whatcha listening to?” Chimney asks as he joins her in the station loft.

“This new song I heard on the radio this morning, wanna listen?”

“Sure”, Hen unplugged her headphones, blasting the song for the rest of the 118 to hear.

“This is good what is it?” Eddie questioned, taking a seat at the table, his head nodding along to the beat.

“Uhm it's called What Other People Say, it’s by Yasmin Leon and Rayne.”

Buck couldn’t help the smile that graced his face.

Jonathon Rayne Buckley would be proud, his grandson was making music once again.

> _'Cause I care more about what other people say_


	2. Anyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during 3x16  
> The song for this chapter is "Anyone" by Demi Lovato.

Buck thought that going to a bar might help his emotional pain, but without his friends by his side, the emptiness he felt just increased. All he had wanted was to celebrate his amazing rescue with the people he loved. He knew that they all had lives outside of the 118, he wasn’t mad about that. It just sucked that whenever they needed him he was there without question, but when he asked, there was always something more important. So, he was going to drink and celebrate a successful save alone.

> _I tried to talk to my piano_
> 
> _I tried to talk to my guitar_
> 
> _Talked to my imagination_
> 
> _Confided into alcohol_

Maybe his friends didn’t find his triumph worth their time, but the news definitely did. He looked up from the bar towards the TV screen only to see his own face staring back at him. They referred to him as a hero, if only his friends saw him that way too.

“Idiot,” the older gentleman next to him yelled as the news report continued.

“Excuse me?”

“Running straight into a hellfire like that, pulling rope stunts, only a moron would do something that reckless!”

A wave of strange anger began to pool in Evan’s stomach. How could someone be so rude about his fellow firefighters?

“Those morons are saving lives” he countered, clenching his fists in an attempt to contain his fury.

“Damn straight! LAFD, best and bravest on god’s green earth, right?”

An amused laugh echoed as the man’s beer bottle reached his mouth. That’s when it finally clicked for Buck…

“You used to be a firefighter,” he said as he planted himself on the stool next to the stranger.

“Still a firefighter. Just cos you retire doesn’t mean you forget who you are... Red Delacroix.”

Red reached out a hand in introduction, which Buck instantly reciprocated. He couldn't help but feel a connection to the man.

“Evan Buckley… uh Buck… here, what are you drinking?”

“No, no, after what you pulled out there, this round is on me. But I still think you’re an idiot, Buck.”

For the first time since watching his friends leave him on his lonesome in the locker room, a genuine smile graced his face. Tonight was going to be fun after all.

That evening they shared stories, enjoying the welcome break from the loneliness they were both all too familiar with. But it wasn’t until Red showed him the photos of his old firehouse that Buck realized just how alike they were.

> _I tried and tried and tried some more_
> 
> _Told secrets 'til my voice was sore_
> 
> _Tired of empty conversation_
> 
> _'Cause no one hears me anymore_

Things just got worse when he tried to talk to the 118. They just couldn’t seem to wrap their heads around why he was so affected by Red.

“So it’s all about you” Chimney accused, not realizing how deeply his words cut. How could they think he was being so selfish?

Yes, he was worried about becoming like Red, but he was also feeling sorry for the man. The 40 year veteran of the department deserved so much better than being alone. Why couldn’t they understand that? Every word they said just made him feel more broken, more certain that he would end up alone and forgotten by the people he loved so dearly. He would always be on his own.

> _A hundred million stories_
> 
> _And a hundred million songs_
> 
> _I feel stupid when I sing_
> 
> _Nobody's listening to me_
> 
> _Nobody's listening_

He thinks Red might have been right when he called him an idiot that first night they met. He truly was a screw-up. All he had wanted was to help Red reunite with his long-lost love and look where it got him… being yelled at in a stranger's front yard.

“Just stay away from me! I'm not sure I can survive your help anymore!” He thought he had been helping, putting some good out into the world. Obviously, Chimney had been right all along, he was making it all about himself.

As he watched the man walk away he couldn’t help but feel a sense of déjà vu. Just like Abby, Ali, Maddie, and every other important person in his life, Red left him behind.

> _I talk to shooting stars_
> 
> _But they always get it wrong_
> 
> _I feel stupid when I pray_
> 
> _So, why am I praying anyway?_
> 
> _If nobody's listening_

When Maddie left his apartment later that afternoon, the pain just increased. He was hurting and no one seemed to notice. He could’ve screamed from the rooftops and they still wouldn’t hear him. He was alone so he did the only thing he knew could heal his heart.

Sitting on his bed, he grabbed his guitar and let his tears flow with the music. The words came so easily, all the built-up emotion exploding from his chest, alleviating the pain. He recorded his voice and sent it to Yasmin. If anyone could understand the truth behind his song it was her.

> _Anyone, please send me anyone_
> 
> _Lord, is there anyone?_
> 
> _I need someone, oh_
> 
> _Anyone, please send me anyone_
> 
> _Lord, is there anyone?_
> 
> _I need someone_

A few minutes later, his phone began to ring, Yasmin’s face appearing on the screen.

“Hey, I listened to the song. Evan, it's so beautiful…”

“I sense there's a but coming.”

“Are you okay? I can hear the pain in your voice, Buckaroo. What's going on?”

“I'm not okay, Yas. I'm so alone.”

“Oh, honey. I wish I could hug you right now. Trust me, you are not alone, you will always have me. Maybe you should record the song professionally and release it…”

“What? How is that supposed to help?”

“People will see you. Okay, so they won't know who you really are but your pain won't be ignored. Someone will hear you.”

Her words kept bouncing around his mind the next day as he worked. Would anyone truly hear his cries for help? Would they feel his pain too? He was distracted and upset during his shift and if anyone noticed they didn’t bother to comfort him. Maybe strangers were the only ones who could help.

And they did.

The public’s reactions to Rayne’s new song gave Buck new hope. He wasn’t as alone as he thought, things could get better. Thats what they all said as they recounted their own tales of loneliness. They felt his pain too.

> _I used to crave the world's attention_
> 
> _I think I cried too many times_
> 
> _I just need some more affection_
> 
> _Anything to get me by_

Then Red was hospitalized…

And the 118 seemed to change…

They cared.

They put everything they had into making sure Red got one last ride in a firetruck, a chance to remember being the firefighter, the hero he is. They held Buck after Red took his final breathe, reassuring him that everything would be okay.

For the first time in a long time, they saw him.

Because they knew who he really was.

You see after Maddie left Buck’s a few days earlier, she'd gone straight to Chimney. She cried in his arms as she shared her guilt for leaving her brother behind. They talked for hours, Maddie sharing her concern for her brother’s wellbeing, breaking Chim’s heart in the process. His words from a few days ago came back to him suddenly. He’d essentially called his friend selfish when all the man had wanted was someone to tell him it would all be okay.

On their next shift together, Howard was determined to speak to the younger man. Hoping to make things right, but something stopped him. As he walked towards the lockers he could hear someone singing quietly to themselves, clearly unaware of his presence. He crept around the corner, trying to get a glimpse of who the angelic voice belonged to.

Imagine his surprise when he realised it was Buck.

That’s when it clicked.

That voice, he knew it from somewhere.

It belonged to Rayne.

> _A hundred million stories_
> 
> _And a hundred million songs_
> 
> _I feel stupid when I sing_
> 
> _Nobody's listening to me_
> 
> _Nobody's listening_

The revelation of Buck’s secret identity wasn’t something he could keep to himself. He sprinted upstairs, gathering Bobby, Hen, and Eddie before sharing his discovery.

“Buck is Rayne!”

“Woah, Chim, have you been drinking? You think Buck, our Buck is the mysterious Rayne?” Hen burst into fits of laughter at Bobby’s response to Chim's words, finding the whole idea completely ridiculous.

“No, stop! Listen to me for a second okay? I heard him singing downstairs by the lockers, he didn’t know I was there. I'm telling you it's him!”

“I think he's right,” Eddie said, putting the pieces together in his mind. “Guys, come on, remember when his friend came to visit! Yasmin…”

They suddenly became frozen in a moment of silence as they realized the truth.

Buck was Rayne.

“Why didn’t he tell us?”

“Clearly he doesn’t want us to know, so we keep this to ourselves.”

“You think we should lie to him?”

“No… we just don’t mention it…”

> _I talk to shooting stars_
> 
> _But they always get it wrong_
> 
> _I feel stupid when I pray_
> 
> _Why the fuck am I praying anyway?_
> 
> _If nobody's listening_

When they heard ‘Anyone’, they all felt their hearts break. Their Buckaroo was crying for help and they didn’t notice. So they did what they could to show him their love.

They knew Red meant a lot to him, so they were ready and waiting when the man was released from the hospital, saluting him and showing their respect.

When his eyes shut for the last time, they were standing strong by Buck’s side, providing a shoulder to cry on. They weren’t going to keep making the same mistakes with their youngest firefighter.

He deserved better.

And they were going to give him that.

> _Nobody's listening to me_
> 
> _Nobody's listening_

**Author's Note:**

> More coming soon xx


End file.
